fine with being alone
Hi.
It's been a few years since I've decided to be alone. Never really reached out to anyone, joined no clubs, never felt the need to be a part of a group. I've done bulk of school work by myself, and when it did come down to working with people I would solely work with them and that's that.
Social anxiety is still here; whenever I do much as to think about talking while 5 or more people are listening I get an increased heart rate and sweaty palms.
Maybe I AM the kind of person who's just fine with being alone. Not that I don't want to find new friends or even a gf but it's just weird at this point. I don't think I can ever truly change.
Every so often I would think about a future where I had friends, a few friends, we would be so close and have nice talks together and play a bunch of games. I imagine I would have the kindest girl I've ever met by my side, experiencing everything life has to offer together. I imagined I would be a part of a group, whether it was a group that fit my personal interests or values or hobbies or even ethnicity, where I knew everyone and everyone knew me and it would be great. But of course ever sentence I've started begins with 'I imagine.'
Would it be beneficial for me to just follow what everyone else does in order to become a part of some kind of group? Being "actually different" is who I am. I'm not gonna just change myself to be a part of a group with people. I feel like, at least where I live now, having an affinity or admiration towards a certain subject or genre can get you that ingroup of friends or community you want. I have no innate affinity or great admiration towards something enough for me to join a group for it- I think.
I watched this Ted Talk last night about great figures in history becoming greats either by repeated 10,000 hours of practice or, in my case, generalizing. I've never had a concentration on a single thing before, besides my "in-class-only" Japanese learning. I've always tried to dabble in a lot of different subjects in hopes of seeing something new, something better and more fun than sticking with one thing all the time. I guess this isn't a bad thing according to the Ted Talk vid. There are just two types of people. People who like to focus on a single area for a length of time and people who like to experience a lot of different things in different areas.
What's the future? Even after coming back to in person learning, I guess I'll continue to do my classes, asynchronously this time. Any kind of social activity is too much for me to bear. I might as well just stay online until my degree is finished.
How can I wnat friends and want to be alone at the same time?
2025-12-29 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQ2_BwqcFscS S 1 year ago My Cent here, I'm a software engineer. I have never been good in mathematics (just enough to get good grades), Have a less than average memorizing capability and have been above average student at school. Nothing much remarkable about my abilities. I have focused very much on learning as much as i can. Be in linguistics, genetics , bio chemistry , history, physics, meditation, eastern methods, cooking, pottery . The list goes on. I have been able to adapt to almost any environment very easily which stresses most of people. I have been made to handle things i have no idea about or almost never heard of. But amazingly , I'm pretty successful in what ever i do. I never say NO to any challenge. I think once you learn so much stuff your mind figures out something for you. The solutions come out of common sense ,like natural flow of water. My whole input here is , learn as much as you can. The more diversified input you give to your mind, more amazed you would be with results.