ordered steam deck, childhood gaming life
guess what. I ordered a steam deck!
it's the 256gb lcd version. dude, more storage I was expecting. I'll take what I can get! I just wanna play my games on the go and not have to mess with my egpu.
I was looking at my compatible library and it's honestly so exciting. I have my whole backlog to play anno mutationem, hell pie, all those games I want to play on the down time but never do because it's a lot of work to set up the egpu. yes, I know, first world problems. but as my brother and I were talking the other day, if the barrier to fun activities is lower, you are gonna gravitate more towards it than things that require you to be more intentional.
that's the plan bruh. no more reels or social media. I'm getting back into gaming.
I feel like came full circle. I played video games as a kid to suppress my emotions when things got overwhelming, as a coping mechanism. I realized how much harm it was doing to me, and sometimes I would be playing games that put me in a negative emotional state (Clash Royale), or games I didn't even want to be playing (Genshin Impact). but now that I recognize healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms, video games are my favorite of all the coping I've done. video games are life.
It's almost childlike- all my gaming I've been doing recently reminded me of the games I played when I was a kid, literally, my earliest, most fondest memories in life- playing Yoshi's Island on my gameboy. exploring those jungle levels, snow levels with the penguins and transforming into skis, and of course the cool boss battles and music . the fact that I remember all those things just shows how much that game meant to me, and affected my tastes. I feel like if I never got that gameboy, I miht have turned out different. thanks, family member who got me that gameboy .
I'm glad that I got a game boy when I was younger. It literally affected my tastes for the rest of my life. although, the most of what I remember from childhood were my parents complaining that I spend too much time on the game boy. idk bruh... i don't remember doing much with them, or them taking me out that often, so I loved to spend time playing games instead.
When I was younger, that was all I could do. I just played video games, did homework, played with Legos, read books. they just left me to my own devices. I had a natural inclination towards those things because it was life- fun experiences, some structure and knowledge, creativity, and finding my place in the world, respectively. I feel like my parents didn't really give me much of that, just a lot of time-outs. so I set out to do it myself. from my earliest age.
I remember not socializing at all the way I see socializing to be now. I barely talked... I just gamed. drawing. Legos. I had autism bruh ☠️ I was so consciously aware of everything that was going on around me,yet I didn't know how to say it. i didn't really know how to talk to people or jump into conversations. I guess I never felt the need to, because my parents never really talked either; didn't feel like an important skill to have. and when I did talk, I would be timed out, usually...
I remember thinking about how my teachers thought I was such a "model student" when all I did was just do the homework and whatever they asked me to.
I had thoughts of how there are really popular kids in class, but I'm not one of them. I had good thoughts of my friends at the time but felt like I wasn't too close to them- that if I were to lose them the next day, I wouldn't be too sad.
I recall my fondest memories are when my uncle took me out to the movies to see Wreck It Ralph. we took the train. I was so enamored, just going out and exploring. I didn't think experiences like this were possible in life. I remember the movie with that little light blue princess girl, and Ralph and Felix and the arcade machines. I loved that movie. and everyone in the theater clapped in the end. after that we played at the arcade, just like in the movie, played some zombie games. it was cool because someone still put credits in there, left a whole bunch left for us. but idk, I said I didn't want to play anymore because I thought the zombies were scary lol. I don't remember what I did when I got home that day. probably thought that fun experience was just a one time thing.
Anyways... there's more to my childhood... or rather, lack thereof (played too many video games).. but that's what I'll leave you with today.
there's a lot you can get out of by just thinking about who you were as a kid. I see it all- my love for video games, my "smarts", my creative side, and how I didn't really understand people, socially. And how much I loved to get out and explore sometimes.
Maybe that's how I can stay true to myself... look back to who I was as a kid. The most purest form of Kyle. My game loving, books loving, conscious and aware, kinda autistic ☠️, super creative, introspective self.